I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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