Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
