I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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