Rock
Scissors
Fuck
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Still dying that you shit outside
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
