so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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