She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
