If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Shame is for Republicans.
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