i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were trust falling into bushes
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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