3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize