SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
