Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
