what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize