someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
