So drunk its hurt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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