we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
