I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How external is "for external use only"?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
