We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
