I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
