Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
