so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
