I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
