just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
