Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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