Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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