The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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