not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
