So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
