you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
