There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize