he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
