And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to have your abortion
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
