I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
