i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
