I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
