And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
