I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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