i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
