Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
