i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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