a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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