I looked at my own cervix.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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