Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
