remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
