well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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