At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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