you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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