The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize