the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
