you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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