Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
