You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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