Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
