Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
did you just send me my own nude
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
