His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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