When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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