I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my being single is dangerous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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