he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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