i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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