Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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