It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize