I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
