you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
