Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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