i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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