You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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