Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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