Non-Jews are for practice
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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