i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
