If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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