Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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