glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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