ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
