im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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