Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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