Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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