U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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