we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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