The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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