Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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