I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
