if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
