My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
