Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
