Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
