remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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