Soap is not a condiment
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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