Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
