DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
